Dear Satan’s Baby’s torture minions:
I am holding a cross as I write this in the hope that it will keep you at bay somehow. I was a fool to mistake your company for a wireless communication provider and for that I am regretful.
Once, while living in San Francisco, I wandered into what I thought was a lingerie store. It smelled odd and a man and a woman scurried to opposite ends of the store when I entered. Eventually I caught on and sheepishly exited.
I made a similar mistake with your company. I mistook it for a wireless internet provider but it’s actually a sadomasochism service. The $50 insurance with the $100 deductible for a $30 wireless card was an obvious clue. Yet I pressed on. And you upped your game.
Kicking me off the internet every five minutes for the past 2.5 months was truly inspired and I am certain your regular clients love it. Your PC minion who told me that he had very little information about Macs but was going to try to help me instead of transferring me to a Mac minion was priceless. The biggest raise and promotion should go to the genius who sent me an email which was over 10 screens long filled with useless exercises (including, but not limited to, the classic uninstall/reinstall) to frustrate me for days.
I mistakenly thought that your company was run by crooks who employed morons to divert attention from their dubious policies. If you were actually a wireless internet provider, I would have been right. As reality stands, your corporation is doing spectacular work to punish those who seek punishment. Kudos!
Well done indeed. Though I was significantly more sane before I came in contact with your company, I remain sane enough to not be a fan of sadomasochism. Therefore, I will respectfully remove myself from your group.
Keep up the great work. You are serving your customer base well.
Sincerely,
Big Al, the gal
Ya put a smile in my face.